The words he couldn't say
by cowgirl.at.heart
Summary: Grissom has a hard time telling Sara how he feels. Will he ever spit it out? GSR


The Words I couldn't Say

**The song used in the fanfic is called "The Words I Couldn't Say" by rascal flatts. For those of you that have read some of my other fanfics, you've probably guessed by now that I'm a country fan and most of my songfics are country songs. Sorry for those who aren't country lovers! **_  
_

_In a book in the box in a closet,  
_

_In a line of a song I once heard._

There was a soft knock on the door, causing him to look up from his pile of paperwork. He saw her leaning against the doorframe casually.

She grinned. "Hi" she said a little breathlessly. Her smile and fragrance and voice sent a small shiver down his spine and something in his stomach did a flip-flop.

"Hey, how's your case going?"

She walked into his office and sat down in the chair across from him. "Greg's just wrapping it up, and Brass has the perp down at the station."

Her beauty and intelligence always stunned him, and her very presence in a room made it near impossible for him to concentrate on anything else. "Good."

Their eyes locked and she found herself staring at his baby blue eyes. Minutes passed until Sara stood up. "Uhhh I should probably be going."

"Yeah"

She smiled softly at him as she headed out the door.

"Hey Sara!"

She turned around and looked back at him. "Yeah?"

"Would you uhhh…..maybe you…"

He was interrupted by the ringing of his cell phone suddenly. Sara sighed and smiled, but he could hear the disappointment in her voice, and see the sadness in her eyes.

"You should probably get that. I'll see you tomorrow Gris."

After she quickly left, he turned to his cell phone and saw a text flash across the scene: CASE CLOSED, CYA TOMRW. CATHERINE. _Great_, he thought to himself. He looked up and stared down the hall where Sara had just been.

_In a moment of a front porch late one June,_

_In a breath inside a whisper beneath the moon._

**csicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsi**

It was a couple weeks later, when Sara met up with me in the hallway. "Hey can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Sure." He excused himself from Catherine and went to see Sara in one of the lab rooms.

Walking in, he saw her staring at a large bloody sheet from the current case. He walked up behind her, standing so close that he could smell the faint perfume of her shampoo. "What are you thinking?"

She could feel his breath on the back of her neck and the warmth from his body heat. The close proximity made it very hard to concentrate on stringing enough words together to make a sentence. "The uhhhh sheet from the case. The blood splatter has some sort of void in the middle …… wait on hold on a second." She turned around so that she was facing him and backed up to the sheet. "What if she was lying on her back, with her assailant on top of her?" She lifted her arms, posing as the victim. "Pin me down."

_There it was on the tip of my fingers._

_There it was on the tip of my tongue._

He raised his eyebrow in amusement causing her to smirk. He closed the distance between them. They were almost nose-to-nose and they could each hear each others rapid breathing.

Sara swallowed hard, trying to keep her concentration. "Now she would have put up a struggle.." She held her arms in front of her and Grissom took hold of her wrists and pretended to fight against her.

"But eventually she would have given in."

Sara grinned, "exactly." He let go of her wrists and she raised her arms at her side. "The perp would then been on top of her with his hands on either side of her."

Grissom placed his hands on either side of her waist. "Like….this." His voice was breathy and he could feel the soft skin of her side from the slight gap between her shirt and her pants.

"Yes," she whispered.

They were so close, and Grissom couldn't help but look at her soft lips. He wanted to kiss he and hold her so badly, but he couldn't find the right words to say that would fix their past problems, and win her over.

_There you were and I had never been that far._

_There it was the whole world wrapped inside my arms._

Sara knew that he would never do it. She knew that Grissom didn't have the guts to close the short distance between them. It hurt to do it, but she broke the close contact between them and moved to the other side of the room trying to put as much distance between them as possible.

The awkward silence was uncomfortable for both of them. Grissom quickly attempted to change the subject. "I got your evaluation sheet."

Before she had time to think, she asked him whether or not their non-relationship would affect anything.

Grissom was shocked by what she said. He knew things were awkward between them, but looking at her then, he saw the hurt in her eyes and how broken she really was.

_Crap!_ She thought to herself. She felt her cheeks redden. "You know what? Sorry I brought it up. I…..I just always talk too much around you. I…..I have to go. Bye" And as fast as she could she left a confused and speechless Grissom behind in the evidence room.

_And I let it all slip away._

For the second time in a month, he had screwed up with Sara, and stood alone staring into the space where she once stood.

_What do I do now that you're gone?_

_No backup plan, so second chance,_

_And no one else to blame._

_All I can hear in the silence that remains,_

_Are the words I couldn't say. _

**Csicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsi**

He had spent the rest of shift in his office thinking things over. Somehow he had to fix things with Sara and tell her how he felt before its too late.

All the thinking had given a headache and when he tried to take a nap on the couch in his office, the events of the lab explosion from a few years ago kept running through his head. His mind kept replaying Sara telling him how she felt and his bitter rejection.

Sighing he got up and grabbed his jacket. Heading out of the lab he saw that it was pouring with rain. _Great,_ he thought. _As if this day couldn't get any worse._ Grumbling he headed across the wet parking lot to his Denali.

_There's a rain that will never stop falling._

_There's a wall that I've tried to take down._

Glancing around the parking lot he saw Sara walking to car.

_What I couldn't say just wouldn't pass my lips._

As she walked by, their eyes connected briefly. She offered a weak smile and opened her car door. He ran over to her Denali and stood outside the driver's window. He wanted to wrap her broken body in his arms, but once again his mind went blank and he couldn't find the words.

_So I held back and now we've come to this._

She shook her head sadly as she looked at him through the rain streaked window.

_And it's too late now._

But he just stared at her doing nothing, so he started the ignition and drove away leaving soaking wet Grissom in the parking lot.

_What do I do now that you're gone?_

_No backup plan, so second chance,_

_And no one else to blame._

Grissom got into his own vehicle and sat there staring at the rain on his windshield.

_All I can hear in the silence that remains,_

_Are the words I couldn't say. _

Starting his car he made his way out of the parking lot. Stopping at a red light, he massaged his aching temples with his thumbs.

_I should've found away to tell you how I felt,_

What he felt around Sara was a new experience and he didn't know what to make of it. He cared for her, he knew that, but what else? Was it love?

"Love," he said out loud. Something about that seemed right. "I love Sara Sidle."

_Now the only one I'm telling is myself._

_What do I do now that you're gone?_

_No backup plan, no second chance,_

_And no one else to blame._

He checked his rear view mirror and then turned his Denali around. He had no plan, no idea of what he was going to say or do, when he got to Sara's place, but the spur-of-the-moment, and the adrenaline made him feel at ease. It was only a short drive to Sara's apartment, and he was there in less than 15 minutes. Parking his car, he shot of the front seat, and ran up the stairs.

**csicsicsicsicsicsicsiciscsiciscsiciscsicsi**

Sara was just putting away some dishes when she heard the doorbell. Walking over to her door, she peered through the peephole. She gasped when she saw the face of Gil Grissom waiting on the other side of her door.

Her heart started beating rapidly and she had to take a deep breath to calm her nerves. Opening the door she smiled nervously, "hi Gris."

"Hi…..uh can I come in?"

"Yeah, sure." She stood aside and opened up the door for him. "Can I get you a drink or something?"

"Just water thanks."

As Sara headed over to the fridge he glanced over at her. She looked a lot casual and comfy than at work. She had on some loose fitting pajama pants, and a slightly snug

t-shirt that showed off some of her slim figure. Her loose curls that usually framed her small face, were pulled up into a messy ponytail.

She had grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and turned around to find him staring at her. She blushed under his gaze. "Here," she said softly as she handed him the frigid bottle.

"Thanks." He sat down on the couch and she sat across from him in the large chair.

She could tell that he was nervous, by the way that he was fiddling with the label on the bottle. "Gris…..is everything okay?"

He sighed and put his water bottle down on the table. "No it's not Sara."

She walked over and sat next to him on the couch and tentatively placed her hand on his. She looked up at him with concern in her eyes. "What's wrong Gris?"

He took a deep breath, then looked up at her. "Sara, I've been trying to tell you….for a long long time that. …..I've messed up. Everything I've done around you since the day that you moved to Vegas was a mistake." He heard her gasp, and suddenly realized how wrong that sounded. He took her other hand in his and squeezed them gently. "Listen to me. What I meant to say was that is that I've messed up everything that has anything to do with you. I asked you to come to Vegas, but ever since you've come here, almost four years ago, I've reprimanded you for your emotional attachment to cases when I let it slide with both myself and the other CSI's. I've ignored you and disrespected you by putting you on low profile cases, and avoiding working with you. And whenever you needed comforting, I rejected you. All this was to save myself. I hired you because you're an amazing scientist, but I also kept you because you're an amazing woman. You've caused me to feel things I've never felt before and I was scared and out of control and I tried to push you away. I've said and done things that have hurt you and I am truly sorry. And most recently when I've tried to tell you how I really feel, I've chickened out and left you hanging. Sara, I'm not a coward, but all of this," he pointed to the two of them, "is new to me."

Sara looked at him with questioning eyes. Her breath came in short rasps and her voice was a soft whisper. "What?"

"I'm in love with you Sara Sidle."

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and saw infinite love in the depths of his baby blue eyes. She blushed and smiled softly, when he cupped her face in his hand. It didn't take long to close the short distance between them, and they suddenly felt electricity surge through their bodies.

Her lips felt like soft rose petals, and his beard tickled her face. He felt her smile and pulled back. "What?"

"It's like a dream come true." She kissed him softly. "I love you to Gil Grissom."

"Good," he grinned. He pulled her back towards him, and showed her all of the passion that he had been keeping inside of him for the past few years. She ran her tongue across his lips, and he happily complied. He pulled her as close as he could, wrapping his arms around her waist.

Grissom leant forward gently and Sara understood. Without breaking contact, she slid herself backwards and pulled him down with her. Kicking off his shoes he leant down on top of her.

Sara was in a pure state of bliss, softly cushioned between the couch and Grissom. She snaked her arms around his neck. Suddenly his cell phone went off. "Crap!" he muttered into her lips. Sliding the phone out of his pocked he flipped it open. He pulled back from Sara, and put a finger to her lips. "Grissom. Hi Catherine. No I can't come in tonight. You'll have to supervise for me. No I'm not sick, but I'm busy. Yes Sara does have the night off. No I wouldn't advise calling her. Why? Because she's a little busy as well. G'night Cath." Without further explanation, he hung up and looked over at a drop-jaw Sara.

"Sara we can't expect to hide this forever. Their paid to see hidden clues, one way or another they were going to find out."

She nodded and sat up, snuggling up next to him, wrapping her arms around him, and resting her head on his shoulder. She looked up at him and grinned. "What did she say?"

"I think that was the first time in al my years of knowing Catherine Willows that I heard her completely speechless."

Sara laughed. "Ecklie's gonna have a fit."

"We'll survive." He leant down and gave her a soft kiss before resting his head on top of hers. "We have each other."

Sara snuggled closer to him and closed her eyes. "Yes we do. Goodnight Gris."

He pulled the blanket hanging over the back of the couch over them, and wrapped his arms around her. "Goodnight Sara," he whispered. "Goodnight."

FIN


End file.
